Nike sucks Bum Biscuts

Nike markets blasé cool in Converse All-Stars

My shoes are almost a decade old, so I'm contemplating throwing a party, complete with an ice cream cake, a piñata shaped like a moose and at least one zany game of Charades. Yet, I'm not sure my shoes would appreciate that sort of geektastic affair. After all, my kicks are Converse. So, you know, they're cool.

When was it that Converse became the archetype of footwear hipness? It's been decades since anyone on the basketball court slam dunked in some low-tech, canvas, rubber-toed, thin-soled sneaker. For a many moon, Chuck Taylors were the exclusive foot garb of blasé urban hipsters and that off-kilter cultural studies professor -- the kind of folks who dug Death Cab for Cutie before The O.C. hijacked good music.

But recently it seems like everyone's treading the streets in a pair of Chucks. Those chain stores that sell hunting gear and baseball gloves pawn them. Angsty psuedo-youths on the WB model them. Tweens buy them at the strip mall.

Point is, everyone's wearing Converse. And why is that? 'Cause Converse have nothing to do with making you jump higher or run faster. They're not shiny; they don't light up; they offer absolutely no arch support. They're simple. They're subversive. They help us feel like we're damning the man, mostly because they're cheaper than an iPod.

Ready to have your world shattered? OK. Nike owns Converse.

Yup, as in, "Sweatshops R US" Nike. That Nike. The $10 billion corporation that controlled 39 percent of the U.S. market for athletic shoes in 2003, according to oligopolywatch.com.

Nike bought Converse in July of 2003 for $305 million, according to Forbes. That's a crapload of cash. And Nike = big business = lots of advertising and product placement. Now, Converse, Inc. had been ailing for awhile -- filed for bankruptcy in 2001 and bought by some private investors who closed all its U.S. factories and shifted production to Asia. Bah. Then some fashion deity somewhere decided "retro" shoes are all the rage, and sales soared. So, wasn't Nike just doing what businesses do -- swooping in to make big bucks? Sure.

But where does that leave us, those folks who appreciate a simple, monochromatic sneaker, but who'd rather not feed the corporate fat cats?

Well, Adbusters, a progressive magazine and media foundation, recently launched its Blackspot Sneaker. The union-made shoe features organic hemp, a hand-drawn "anti logo" and a striking resemblance to the Converse All-Star low-top. Adbuster's goal is to prove it's possible to build a brand on something other than sweatshop labor, and to reassert consumer sovereignty over capitalism.

All that's swell, but where does that leave those of you with consumer (or coolness) consciousness who aren't so down with anti-capitalist activism? Salivating over that pair of chocolate brown, suede Converse One Stars, I guess. Or sucking it up and shelling out some cold hard cash for hip-looking shoes that profit a not-so-hip company.

None of those decisions are easy, though. I mean, it's hard to always be cognizant of where our dollars are going, and it's easy to buy rock-star style at the mall and it's next-to-impossible to completely avoid sweatshop labor.

So, moral of the story: The O.C. usurped good music. Don't think you're cool 'cause of how your dress. And hipness isn't always as hip as it appears. Especially when there's a corporate swoosh lurking behind a pseudo-subversive footwear icon.

I didn't write this text BTW...a friend fowarded it to me on Facebook
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